Frigamajig

Yes that’s right people I said it.

And I meant it.

I am sitting here at my office working on images and the thoughts that keep flooding my mind come from a variety of sources. Little pebbles that keep tink-tink-tinking away at the window of my mind.

Does that ever happen to you? You feel like God is speaking to you in a millon ways on the same thing. That it can’t be a coincidence that everyone is sharing, prodding, encouraging on the same subject.

So here it is.

My body.

Nope, don’t worry (why would you) but I am not sharing a picture.

Actually I might, but not yet.

Here is it, for real this time.

I KNOW that I NEED to love my body the way it is right now. My life has always been diet focused. What I should eat, what I shouldn’t eat, feeling guilty about treats. Justifying my choices to others LIKE THEY CARE… and friends… I AM OVER IT.

Ok, I am still in it, but mentally I am fed up.

I am fed up spending energy that could be used to serve others, fuel my passions, to create and inspire, to worry about these things that do not matter.

And this I know, I can’t look for it anywhere else.

If I am going to move forward. I have to love me no matter what.

Love me right now with my bumps and jiggles and wiggles.

I need to not even say that I will love me until I get to where I want to go… I need to not worry about going anywhere but BE right now in my body, and loving it.

EEEk. Guys this is big stuff for me.

Like the hugest.

I was at the Fearless Women’s Summit in Halifax last Saturday (a great event, you should totally go next year or at the next one in a city near you!) And the first speaker, Lindsay Umlah, talked about loving your body, and while I placed my hands on my stomach and gave gratitude for what it has done for me and what it represents (motherhood) I was still torn to being embarrassed, trying to shake it off I opened my eyes and shook my head. And what I saw…. Was that my thighs were taking up more space on my chair than the woman to the right or to the left of me. And suddenly I felt less-than. Like I was worth-less because my thighs were bigger. And then, why can’t I stick to anything, why are mine so much bigger?

Dangnabit Heather why are you so mean to yourself? Can’t you just love on your belly without beating up on your legs?

Then just letting the spiral continue getting down on myself. All the while hearing the message carry on that we need to love our bodies. They are gifts and I know that I need to change my relationship with mine.

So here it is. I need to love my body right now.

This roll that is coming over the top of my fabletics pants. LOVE YOU.

Ok that may be a stretch. This is day one here.

But here’s the deal. EVEN IF I NEVER LOST ANOTHER POUND> EVEN IF I NEVER CHANGED ONE TINY BIT OF HOW I LOOKED> MY VALUE WOULD NOT CHANGE.

WOWZAS.

Did you hear that??

Cuz it’s not just me! It’s you too!!! YES YOU!
If you don’t lose a pound or change your hair, if you are always exactly how you are right now. YOU ARE SO SO SO VALUABLE.

Your worth isn’t determined by your body size, the number on the scale, or how it compares with that person in the chair next to you.

Oh crud, right, me too then.

Think about it. Would you love your children or parents more if they were skinny?

Just so you know, if you say yes to this I don’t think we can’t be friends anymore…

But in reality it’s not the way we work. We give other people so much more grace than we give ourselves.

Why do you think our worth changes with the number on the scale? When did we learn that these two things were in anyway related? 

So how about you give yourself a break today? 

And I’m not talking a kit kat bar (though it does sound tasty!) But how about loving yourself a little bit today, or better yet…a lot bit!

I’m working on it!

For now my body needs rest, so that’s where I am going. But I had to share these thoughts.